Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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