One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
