I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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