If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
