The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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