I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
