My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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