I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
