so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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