Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
