I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
