I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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