Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
