i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
