I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
