I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
