We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
