my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
