WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
