i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
