Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
