I think i peed on brittanys purse
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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