my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
