32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
