Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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