I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
