i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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