we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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