my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
