Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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