My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
