My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
