Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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