So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We smell like vodka and hangover
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