I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
