haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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