how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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