I looked at my own cervix.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
