i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
