so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
