I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
