so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
