Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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