So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
