I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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