Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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