Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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