Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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