oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
