Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
