dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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