Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
