ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
