Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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