is your mom at the bar?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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