Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
