I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
