Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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